i just got off of work from an almost 13 hour day, being screamed at and degraded by my boss.
hes awful. that place is awful. I smell like gyro and food.
my body is aching yet my mother is the one vocally complaining about how i am gagging her.

sorry mom. one of us has to work.

i just smoke a joint.
all alone.

im feel good.

im leaving for new york tomorrow morning for a beautiful week long adventure on my own.

i have not been this excited since i cant even remember.

things are going good.

i think this will be great for me.
im staying in a hostel with like all these people i dont know which should be pretty interesting.
life is nice, although my legs hurt.

god =]

i am sitting here being filmed by mtv and forcing  a conversation with my mother.

dear god.


smite me.


i think i spelled that incorrectly

i cant sleep.
i feel really sick.

=[

not.


rain.

movie.

sleep.


dear god, make her shut the fuck up.

no more in. none. 800 maxxx.  i threw. dcd7u.
gross.

life is random.


i get so lost in my thoughts all the time and just ramble to myself, in a language only i understand.
i've always felt like a simple person, but my mother insists im complex and moody.
i disagree.

i just want to sit back read and sip a glass of wine right now, which is unusual because i am rarely in the mood to read, or drink wine for that matter.
there are about 10 things i should be doing right now but i don't want to and as hard as i think i am willing myself to i know my
subconscious thoughts of wanting to do nothing are much more powerful.

oh well.

i want to move.
 to europe.

maybe college maybe not. maybe musical theater maybe not. maybe teaching. maybe not. i dont know what i want anymore, but right now all i want is good conversation in the dark room.

things are good.
all around.
changing changing.

WEll got on the bus around 9, arrived about 1:30.
bus ride was interesting. felt a little out of place. slept alot. watched some of across the universerve.
room has been good. a little awkward at sometimes. sometimes i just feel so opposite.
im getting along with nina really well though. 
happy.

we are goin out to dinner not sure where maybe bowling.

one atcs tomorrow.

 

its finally state.
soo happy.
what ive been talking about all year.
im sooo ready. bahh.

eep.

yayayayaya and im performing which im excited about yayaya.

im goona skeep on the bus ride. yea.

gahh

good. weekend.

LOL.

good.
strong almost.
like went to bed feeling worthless and have woken up with self respect.
i woke up and started my wash. i never do that unless i get screamed at first.

im going to make sunny side up eggs and toast. =))))))))
then watch fear and loathing in las vegas. while doing wash.
then im cleaning out my car.

this is good. just hope it lasts.

today was great.
great mood and great people.
i wish every day was like today.

minus the 2 rmp runs. lolz

i feel tired.
but not like sleeping. just like lying with someone and cuddling and watching tv. that would be nice.

i get to cuddle at state! lol

we think you are
alittle bit immature.

do everyone a favor reyna, and get another job so you dont have enough time to be a 13 year old girl on myspace.
mocking people makes you look really really unintellegent,

and i am assuming you are.

i am alittle hurt that you would act so foolishly as to mock other people's issues, but we all know that reyna only cares about reyna.

it is sad that you have to live a life full of hardships and yet you still havent realized the world doesnt revolve around you.

peace and love reyna.

(two things you will obviously never feel)


LOL

sometimes i need a good laugh.

i got one.

i abuse.
its kinda sick.

i took some so i should be passing out shortly.

i love good quotes. ive been compiling them since i was about 12, quotes that stick, quotes that inspire, and quotes that just make me say what the hell.

"He alone, who owns the youth, gains the future. "- adolph hitler

i feel sleepy.
i worked out for a good hour and my arms kinda hurt which is wonderful so hopefully i burned off most of the calories i ate today.
i walked a bunch too.

im droppin 30 by may first.
watch and see.


alot of the the time i think i only want what i can have. i feel shallow alot of the time when it comes to who i like.  its a bad quality, i know.  i dont judge or anyting, its just like im so picky. somebody could be great but theres always me looking for something even more, or i find something i dislike. i just really have to like some one i spose. i need that spark. and its never there.

my head feels floaty which means my zany is kicking in.

“You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy.”-charles manson

good night.
good performance.
great people.

good day.
auction day.
only 10 so far.
empty is so nice.
i want this feeling..
forever.


wish me luck as i sing for and schmooze with rich douche bags.

stressed. anxious.
those are the two words to describe me atm.

i feel like thowing up.

like it even matters.

its so funny how emotional i used to be during arguements with my mom. or anybody for that matter, and lately i just find myself rather devoid of emotion. almost slightly sociopathic. im not sure if thats a word. bbut whatever. like i got in a fight but she was fighting with me and i was more or less talking back. then i just dragged the box in front of my door in my room and shut the door in her face. without a word, while she was till talking. very slowly. it was weird. like a scene from a movie. then i thought i was going to cry, and i didnt. i just sat on my bed and watch the true hollywood story of britney spears.

i think ive surpassed numb.  ive deciced i dont want to eat anymore. so im not going to. maybea like an apple a day. and gum. if i really want it.


i really want my bike. but i cant afford it.


for the first time in a long time, i truly dont know hhow i feel right now. my brain feels tingly. like its asleep. ya know like when your foot falls asleep. just like that. except its my brain.

and all i want to say is.

fuck you.

awful.

god today just felt like, somebody had drugged me all day but with sad pills.
i wasnt like angry-even tho thats how it comes off. i just felt like sad about nothing. or everything.

time for my rant.

i understand that my family is very low income, and that i joke about how hard i have to work,but other people really dont have the right to. i feel like whenever im around this person there is a fucking personal attack on me. like all his activism, bomb this, dont eat animals shit just come up on me in personal insults. we were kidding around today n class about what our "true life" mtv e[siode would be( its dumb i know lol) and he goes reynas would be "true life: i poor as fuck". like its my fucking fault. ya know, i basically support myself aside from paying rent, and cable. i buy my own groceries, car insurance, phone, and im paying down a credit card that my car is charged on. i buy anything and everything i need for hygene and clothes, and now i have even started feeding my mom.
like what the fuck.
i want to cry.
which is always fun ya know.
i would smoke but i have to sing tomorrow and plus being sad and smoking is just being high and sad....
pills.

no. just kidding. not like i have any anyway.
i just want to get away. just for a little while.
 rant over.

on the plus side i finshed the stranger today and i think its my favorite book. i plan on reading all of camus' books.

like anybody cares.

for some reason, i feel like this weekend has changed me.
not dramatically or anything, but i just feel different, like i actually care about things.
which is a change.

i feel like i constantly hurt my moms feelings. which is just great.(that was sarcasm.)
i dont know how you can love somebody so much and want to physically beat the crap out of her at the same time.

im going to taco bell.
i want some cheesey fiest potatoes.

i wish somebody wouldslap me across the face and then call me a bad person, and list everything thats wrong with me then say its because they care.
i think i'd believe them.

i want to cuddle. i think thats possibly my favorite thing to do. with anybody. cuddling to me is probably the least sexual thing ever.
like, seriously, if i had a brother, or sister, or like family member who actually enjoyed my company, we would cuddle all the time.

i need a sibling.

ok. alright. TB awaits.
im coming baby.

hm.

i left school early. i was sick. but thats a lie.



lies lies lies...

a little miracle.

i could use a little something that has worth
and illuminate the point of my being on this earth.

god.

i feel absolutely disguting.
isnt that awful when you disgust yourself.
i just have no motivation to do anything.
plus im a hippo. i giant fuckin hippo. just so you know,

like whats the fucking point.

lately i have been thinking about my life and future and all that scary shit, and i just have no clue what i want to do. at all.

as much as i try to convince myself i want sucess and an amazing job and blah blah blah, i would rather jut marry a not poor, not overly wealthy(although i would mind that) nice, with a violent sreak who could buy me the brownstone in new york i want.
and god damnit, if i dont feel like cooking we would order chinese.

my nose itches.
i couldn't sleep last night which resulted in me missing school..again.
work wasn't bad at all.
shouldn't be bad tonight either.
makin dat moneyy.

i am going to drown in homework.

i feel it.

i don't want to go to the beach on Sunday. =[

its one thirty and i haven't eaten anything yet, which im pretty happy about.
i need to clean my car out. that will keep me busy.

ill have some soup or something later.

to do:
clean car out.
work.