So many things in this world are slowly killing us.
Slowly killing me.
Sometimes, I think about killing myself and saving the Earth some time.
I want children some day.
I do not want to bring children into this terrible world.
I don't want my kids struggling like this.
I feel like life is a lingering note.
A chord that rings out and then one day goes silent.

I'm so glad I have Angela.
I know that if I hadn't found my way back to her, I'd be dead.
And thats not a dramatic Livejournal type statement.
It's the god damned truth.
She makes everything better.
She brightens up this shithole of a planet.
Makes it livable.
I want a future with her.
I want to stay with this one.
And this time I actually mean it.
Not bullshiting myself because I think I'll never find true love.
This is the real fucking deal.

Now, I can openly say that I didn't plan on living to see 22.
I was either going to kill myself or go out in a blaze of OD glory next before my 21st birthday.
Don't let worry get the best of you because I most definitely not offing myself.
I'm gonna stick around and see where the ride takes me.
Maybe Poland.
Who knows.
Who cares.
I'm happier than I've ever been.
Anything before now that I believed was awesome was a fucking lie.
A waste of my time.

The last year was a waste of time.
The whole fucking thing.
Cancer, blunts and cunts.
All of it.
Just a lame fuck around.
I wake each and ever morning with hopeful eyes.
A clear head.
Whatever happens now - Happens.
I welcome change.
I welcome a new world.
I am at peace.
I am in love.
And this time its for real.

2010 arrives and rings in a new age of chaos that this world isn't ready for. It may not necessarily come in the form of evil robotic overlords but something is definitely rippling in the water. I can see the waves of dark liquid crash against the walls guarding the city. Rolling in and breaking into foam mist that showers out over the dead night sky. Far above us sits the blue moon. He laughs at our feeble attempts to create meaningful expressions that we'll label across BBQ aprons. He knows the secrets that we all hunger for because he's always been there watching. Simple old moon shining down on Earth, illuminating whatever swims beneath the black sea. He knows what waits around the corner because he can see the future. With no concept of space or time, he worries not about tomorrow. The sky outside is littered with puffy pale clouds that shade the stars from site. Occasionally, a small speck will break through and flicker momentarily. Its like a giant brain with small ideas popping up every now and again. The midnight coral hiding electric eels within its hull. The air paints my canvas and I shiver all over. Not cold enough for foggy breath but cold enough to smell of burning wood. The magic hours of the day when we can stand in silence and marvel at the world's beauty. With my beverage, I down happiness in pill form. Bottled glee given to me by a man in a white coat. It takes the edge off and makes me worry less about the weight on my shoulders. The weight that really isn't there. The one created by my subconscious that makes me imagine things. I can see the entire planet looking to me for answers and all I can say is We're all in the same boat. I personally will keep on digging until I finally strike oil. That black gold is so close I can taste it on my tongue, but then again it could just be pollution from the robots overlords. Their tailpipes produce the smog and we all have to breath in deeply. Today is the first and even though I'll have to choke on the smoke, I'm glad you and I will be doing it together. I love you deeply and no amount of deep dark water or robot slavers will keep me from your embrace. This much I can promise you.

"Nothing is gonna stop it from happening"

She's completely right and up until now I've ignored it. Pushed it out of my head. I will be strong but this is gonna hurt more than anything I've ever faced. Suddenly, a crazy thought darted through my mind and in that moment, I wanted to be sick again. It's a funny world huh?